Trialogue Sermon: Pastors Coltvet, Markquart, O’Neal
Grace Lutheran Church, Des Moines, Washington

John:
Grace to you and peace from God our Father,

Stephanie:
And our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

Ed:
And from the Holy Spirit. 

All:
Amen.

John: 
Gosh, it seems like I’ve been gone all summer!  I was on some study leave in San Anslemo, CA, then Tim and I went to the youth ministry conference in Hartford, CT and then I was on vacation.  But it’s great to be back!

Ed: 
It is good to have you back. I had a great summer too. I gotta admit that the gift from my older brother of a new Corvette on my 65th birthday blew me away. What a gift. It has been a blast driving it around this summer. I especially enjoy making my calls on shut-ins here at church and giving them a ride. The shut-ins get into the Corvette with arthritis and leave with whip lash.

Stephanie:
You boys were out playing and I had to stay home and do all the work. While you guys were out playing, I was here taking care of the fort.  Somebody’s got to be responsible around here! 

John and Ed:
That is why we called you.

Ed:
Today is Rally Sunday. So many people have been vacationing and traveling this summer. But September is the time when we gather back to church, school and work. The vacations are over. School begins. The weather is turning chilly and we know that autumn is in the air. And today? It is Rally Sunday when we all rally together in our congregation, getting ready for this church year.

John: 
I’m really excited that we are going to be doing the 40 Days of Community campaign this fall similar to our 40 Days of Purpose last year but concentrating more on the community aspect of our congregation.  People say it’s even better than last year’s campaign.

Stephanie: 
I’m really excited about the small groups that will be forming for 40 Days of Community.  Not only will we grow stronger together at Grace Lutheran Church, but we will also strengthen the community outside these doors through local service projects.  What an awesome way to grow together as a community of believers!

Ed:
To the sermon for the day. As a community of believers, we are people of the Book. We are servants of the Bible. We gather around the Word of God. We know that the Living God is really present in his Word and so we study it, meditate on it, learn from it, follow it. As the song says, “Thy Word, God’s Word, is a lamp on to our feet and a light onto our path.”

John:
And Jesus’ parables are an important part of God’s word.  We teach our confirmation students a parable is an earthly story with a heavenly meaning.  It’s a teaching tool that Jesus used to teach about the “down-to-earth,” practical aspects of our life of faith.  In his parables, Jesus often used extreme exaggeration or “Hebrew Hyperbolae,” as it’s called.  He often used extreme contrast and comparison in his parables to make his points as clear as possible.  Jesus was a master story teller and his parables are crafted with great mastery.

Stephanie: 
The text for today begins with Peter’s question to Jesus on forgiveness.  How many times should I forgive?  In Peter’s limited imagination he suggests 7 times.  In response, Jesus multiplies this number to 77 (or  some translations say 70 times 7) and then shares the parable of the unforgiving servant.  In this parable, two servants each plead for the patience of another toward the repayment of a debt.  What is different is that the one addressed in the first instance is the king and in the second instance, a fellow servant.  And there’s a big difference between what the servants owe.  The first servant owes the king 10,000 talents which is equivalent to 150,000 years of labor.  The second servant owes his fellow servant just 100 denarii.  The denarius was the usual day’s wage for a laborer.  You do the math!  The second servant only owed his peer the equivalent of 100 days labor.  And yet the servant who had been so graciously forgiven by the king refuses to forgive his peer of a relatively puny debt.  This extreme exaggeration illustrates just how important forgiveness is in the heart of God.

John:
And this parable teaches us  about forgiveness when it comes to the big issues of forgiveness like a loved one being hit by a drunk driver but also about the little petty issues like someone cutting us off on the freeway.  But what is forgiveness?   How do we understand forgiveness? What are some metaphors that can help us understand forgiveness better?

Ed:
The Greek word for forgiveness is  apheemei. It means “letting go.” I have an imaginary ball here in my hand and I am hanging on to it tightly. Forgiveness is letting go of the anger, letting go of the resentment and letting go of the hurt that lives within our hearts. I like the analogy of trapping monkeys, and this analogy helps me to understand forgiveness as letting go. The illustration goes like this: If you want to trap monkeys out in the jungle, you drill holes into the coconuts that are lying in the ground. A monkey comes and slips his hands through the drilled hole in the coconut and grabs the white meat inside the coconut. As he grabs the meat, his hand expands. The hand becomes stuck and trapped inside the coconut. The same thing happens with the other hand and then the two feet. Both hands and both feet have grabbed onto and are tightly grasping the coconut meat. The monkey is then trapped. The monkey has to let go of the meat in his hands and feet to become free. Forgiveness means to let go. To let go of the anger, to let go of the resentment, the bitterness and the hurt that we feel in our hearts and hang onto far too long. This analogy of the trapped monkeys helps me to understand forgiveness as letting go.

John:
I think of forgiveness as cleaning a physical wound.  The wound has to be cleaned out if it is going to have a chance to heal.  I remember when I was in St. Paul, Minnesota, I bought a surplus computer monitor.  While I was walking out to my car with it, I had to walk down some stairs next to the loading dock where I bought it.  It was summer and I was wearing shorts.  At the bottom of the stairs I tripped and had to decide if I would let go of the monitor and save my knees or hold on to the monitor and do a job on my knees as I would have to take the whole impact of the fall on my knees if I wanted to save the monitor.  I chose to save the monitor.  I probably would not do that again.  But I fell onto concrete with a nice layer of grease and little gravel pieces.  When I got home, I knew I had to get my knees cleaned up or they would get infected.  I took a stiff scrub brush with hot soapy water and scrubbed my knees.  Debbie couldn’t even watch.  Did I want to do that?  No!  Did it hurt?  Yes.  Was it easy?  No!  But it had to be done if I wanted to heal properly.  That’s the way forgiveness it.  You have to clean out the hurt so it can heal.

Stephanie:
Or, for example, yesterday I went hiking with the young adults.  I made sure to wear my broken-in hiking boots because another time when I went hiking in new boots, a blister developed on my heel.  Oh how it was raw and sore!  Whenever I walked with the blister, it got irritated and caused me a lot of pain.  I’m not a huge fan of needles, but I had no other choice than to use one on the blister.  Until I finally took a needle to it and drained it, I wasn’t able to hike very effectively.  Though not a pretty sight or thought, really, forgiveness is like draining a blister. 

John:
So these are three analogies that each one of us use to help us understand forgiveness. But…what are the consequences of hanging on to our anger and hurt or not washing out the emotional wounds or not lacing the blistering which has been festering in our hearts?

Ed:
Using the analogy of trapping monkeys, we become trapped by anger and vengeance. Those feelings can grow and consume you. We can become bitter and grumpy inside.

John: 
Using the cleaning up the wound metaphor, if you don’t forgive your whole spirit can become infected.  You’ve got to get the hurt cleaned up or it will never heal.

Stephanie:
Like the blister on my heel that prevented me from moving forward and onward in my hiking, so too are my everyday relationships affected when I do not forgive.  In order to move forward in relationship with others, I need to forgive.  Otherwise, the pain of not forgiving will persist.  When done properly, draining a blister or rather, forgiving another, can help the relationship heal faster.

Ed:
Another negative consequence of not forgiving: physical disease. Yes, our bodies get sick. Stress, migraines, ulcers. We are told that 90% of all physical illness is caused by stress, especially from simmering anger and hurt.

Stephanie:
Not forgiving also takes a lot of energy.  It’s like you’re carrying around a heavy pack that could have been left behind long ago.  As long as you carry it around with you, you’re wasting precious time and energy.  And it keeps you from putting energy in the things you love that are presently right in front of you.

John:
And, you know, there is so much beauty in our world and it’s all around us everywhere.  God is always giving us what I call “little glimpses of grace.”  If we are harboring ill feelings toward others, and thoughts of revenge and anger are occupying our thoughts we will miss much of the beauty that God wants to show us.

Stephanie:
I would like to move in a slightly different direction. This parable can be twisted, manipulated and used. But what about forgiveness in relationships that are abusive?  This really concerns me.  While this text encourages forgiveness at all times, forgive others seven times seventy, certainly the broader Biblical message of forgiveness does not encourage someone to stay in an abusive relationship—whether it be with a spouse, an employer, or friend.

John:
I know of at least one pastor in another denomination who told one woman that she needed to stay in an abusive relationship using this parable as support.  I don’t agree that this parable encourages us to live within abusive relationships

Ed: 
The Bible insists on both repentance and forgiveness. In Luke’s gospel parallels of the text for today, Luke does not mention the phrase, “seventy times seven” but does insist upon repentance as part of forgiveness. Repentance and forgiveness belong to each other. Forgiveness becomes cheap forgiveness when it is not accompanied by repentance. If person does not change their abusive relationship but keep on whining “I am are sorry,” but do not actually change their abusive behaviors, to forgive them repeatedly is to condone their behavior. The Bible teaches that we are to repent/change and then forgiveness occurs and the relationship can be restored. Without repentance, forgiveness becomes cheap and can be used to condone unhealthy, abusive behaviors. 

John:
So the question for me is: How do we forgive? How do we do it?  I believe that most healthy people want to forgive but sometimes it’s so hard.  We want to and we try to but the ill feelings just keep coming back again and again.   What are some ways we can improve our ability to forgive?

Stephanie:
I believe we need to begin with the foundation that God has first forgiven us.  That is the message of the parable. The forgiveness we have received through Christ is truly a gift from God.  And because we have received this gift from God, it is a gift we can give to others.  Honestly, forgiveness is not only a gift you give to others, but also a gift you give yourself.

Ed:
Time. Forgiveness and healing of the inner heart often takes lots of time. Often years, decades, and longer. The deeper the wound, the longer the healing. I know some people whose hearts took thirty and forty years to heal of a bitter loss. It is amazing to me that I know how bitter, hurt and depressed certain people were decades ago and finally God has healed their wounded spirit and those people can actually smile again and are happy again. Yet you still see the scars in their lives, but God has healed the old wounds and those wounds become old scars. It is like seeing old scars from years ago on the bark of the tree. Time has gradually faded the marks in the bark, but the scars are still there, even though the tree is very much alive. 

John:
And it’s a miracle!  I know we’ve said this before but this past week we had our confirmation orientation and confirmation begins this coming Wednesday.  We always say that when true faith is finally created in our young people, it is a gift of the Holy Spirit.  Yes we all prepare and teach to best of our ability and the parents help their kids wit the homework and model faith for their children.  But when faith finally happens it is a miracle of God’s Holy Spirit.  It’s similar with forgiveness.  It’s truly a miracle.  When you see genuine forgiveness you know it’s from God.  True forgiveness is impossible without God’s Spirit.

Stephanie:
Another way to learn how to forgive is by talking with others.  I believe it is in the willingness to be honest with others about our struggle to forgive that we begin to come to grips with those deep feelings of resentment and hurt.  Once we are able to honestly confront and articulate such feelings, oftentimes it becomes easier to let go of those feelings.       

Ed:
Prayer. It is important to talk not only with friends but with God, the source of all forgiveness. We constantly come to God and ask, “Please God, heal my heart. I can’t get over this disaster, this tragedy. I can’t do it Lord. I need you. I need your help to help heal this pain and anger in my soul.” Prayer is a primary source for healing.

John.
Now, please keep in mind that we are not trying to give you a formula for forgiveness.  You know, do this, then this, follow these steps and you too, will be able to forgive.  That is ridiculous. Forgiveness is a complex matter and many things are involved.  But the Bible, God’s word, can be of tremendous help as we practice forgiveness.  And the Bible has several stories that inspire us, like the story of the first Christian martyr, Stephen, in Acts chapter 7:54-60 where Stephen says as he is dying, “Lord, do not hold this sin against them.”  Then there is the story of Jesus on the cross in Luke’s gospel chapter 23, where Jesus says, “Father forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”  Pure forgiveness for those who don’t even know they are committing a sin.  And then from our Old Testament lesson today, there’s that wonderful story of Joseph forgiving his brother for all they had done to him.  Great stories of forgiveness from the Bible that inspire us!  But there are personal stories that inspire us as well and we would each like to share one such story with you.

Stephanie:
You’re right, John, the Biblical witness can truly inspire us to forgive.  In the same way, I am sure all of us have personal stories of forgiveness that inspire us in our daily lives as well.  The following is a story that happened in my life and that inspires me to be a forgiving person.

(Stephanie’s story is not included in this sermon.)

Ed:
The three of us pastors were talking about stories from our own personal lives that inspired us to be forgiving people. My primary story about forgiveness is the story of my mother who loved my father at the end of his life. During their marriage, my father did some pretty nasty things that I cannot talk about publicly, but my mother actually gradually forgave my Dad. I don’t think we four kids ever did. We four kids said that we forgave our Father but I think there were lingering resentments within us because of some of the things that Dad did to our mother. But my mother actually forgave Dad in her deepest heart.  They were married for sixty-five years. Mom is my primary example of forgiveness taking thirty years before her heart was genuinely healed. Yes, forgiveness can take a long time

John:
Many of you know part of my story about the relationship between my father and me. When I was in my late teens my father went to prison on a manslaughter charge.  He had been drinking, which was not a new thing at that point in his life and got into a fight with my stepmother.  He pushed her, and she fell, hit her head and died as a result.  I thought I could never forgive my father.  Not only for his alcohol abuse throughout most of my early life but for this final straw.  I had just had enough.  Well after a long time, even after he had been released from prison, I just couldn’t forgive.  Then I saw the changes that Jesus Christ made in his life and that true repentance had taken place.  I watched as his life turned completely around and he eventually became a chaplain at the same prison where he served time many years before.  My dad and I began to reestablish a relationship and gradually I was able to forgive all the hurt from the past and today my dad and I have great relationship!  That’s a miracle of God’s spirit!

Stephanie:
Ultimately, what do we take away from this parable.

Ed:
The infinite, immeasurable, inestimaable forgiveness of God. I ask you: how many gallons of water are there in the ocean? Unfathomable. How many grains of sand are there on earth? Infinitesimal. And so it is with the forgiveness of God for our sins.  

John:
And because we have been so freely forgiven by God for so much, we also need to forgive ourselves and others people who sin against us.

All:
Amen.


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