Christmas
The Humble Hotel



A CHRISTMAS DRAMA

(This drama has four simple scenes. There are four characters. Mary and Joseph are the same characters in all four scenes. The second couple plays four different sets of characters with four different names in four different situations. The cleverness of the play will be largely impacted by the two characters who change situations, roles, personalities and costumes four times.)

Setting One: A bus ride to Seattle in December of 2002. (couple: overbearing gossips)
Setting Two: A door way into the Humble Hotel in Seattle (couple: grouchy landlords)
Setting Three: A basement room in the Humble Hotel (couple: homeless renters)
Setting Four: Two rich visitors come to the Humble Hotel (couple: snobby rich people)

(Clothing: This couple may wear four layers of clothing: overcoats, then bathrobes under those overcoats, then plaid shirts under those bathrobes, then white shirts under those plaid shirts. By layering the clothing, time is not wasted in changing clothes. It may be wise to put a clothes tree on the front of the stage where everyone can see these characters changing their outfits, as they remove clothing from the previous scene and add a new set of clothing for a new scene. As they change clothing, transitional dialogue needs to be spoken to fill the silence. See the stage directions during the play.)

(Freeze into a tableau. Before each scene, players will freeze into a tableau with their backs to the audience. As the scene opens, the players will unfreeze.)

(Video: an amateur video of this drama is available from Grace Lutheran Church in Des Moines, Washington, and would be helpful to the players and director.)

SCENE ONE: THE BUS RIDE TO SEATTLE 

(Setting: Before the play begins, the four players are frozen into position with no movement, with their backs to the audience. On the chancel floor or stage, there are two rows of two chairs like riding on a bus. Mary and Joseph talk in normal and conversational voices. From the seats behind Mary and Joseph, the two gossips listen intently to the conversation between Mary and Joseph. They whisper their reactions loudly enough for each other and the congregation to hear but not Mary and Joseph who are oblivious to the couple behind them. Hjalmer and Hilda are wearing long overcoats and some form of hats. Mary and Joseph are in jeans and shirts.)

(The four characters are briefly frozen into a tableau. They then walk to their positions in the bus. Mary waddles into her seat, showing her obvious pregnancy.)

Mary 
Oooh. (Breathing deeply.) This bus ride is bumpy.

Joseph
How is the baby doing?

Mary 
The baby is just fine, but I feel awful, so sick, so so so pregnant.

Joseph
Mary, you are pregnant!

Mary 
You need to tell me? I know I am pregnant. (sharp voice)

Joseph
There you go again with that temper of yours.

Mary 
I’m not irritable. I’m simply…pregnant. That’s all. (Silence)

Hilda 
(Whispering loudly) She certainly looks pregnant, Hjalmer. 

Hjalmer 
Hilda, she snarls like she is pregnant. 

Hilda
They both seem kind of grumpy to me.

Hjalmer 
They both look kind of poor to me.

Joseph
I wonder if there will be any jobs for me in Seattle.

Mary 
I certainly hope so. It was tough being out of work in Kansas City. We didn’t have money for food or groceries or rent.

Joseph
(defensively) I wasn’t really out of work. The company folded and I folded with them. It wasn’t my fault.

Mary 
Did I say it was your fault? No, I just said it was tough when we didn’t have money for food or groceries. That’s all.

Joseph
It’s bad timing. We’re comin’ to Seattle just after the layoffs at Boeing. It’s gunna be hard to find a new job.

Hilda
(whispering loudly) I bet they are leeches. Leeching off society. Leeching off everybody. They want a free lunch.

Hjalmer 
Bet they will get on food stamps the moment they get off this bus. 

Hilda
They will show up in the lines at the food bank at church, that’s for sure.

Hjalmer 
People like that just get used to living in poverty. They work at getting out of work.

Mary 
I wonder how Mom and Dad are doing. It was really hard telling Mom and Dad that I was pregnant, being the first child and all.

Joseph
What did you tell them?

Mary 
I was pregnant. What joy. What happiness. They are going to be grandparents.

Joseph
How did they react?

Mary 
Surprised. 

Joseph
Did you tell them that I was the father?

Mary 
No, I skipped over that.

Joseph
Well, who is the father?

Mary 
Joseph, we have been over that time and time again.

Joseph
You expect me to believe that God’s Spirit is the father?

Mary 
Yah. I know it is foolish, crazy, a wild idea, but I didn’t have sex with any man. I didn’t sleep with you. I didn’t sleep with anyone else. How did I get pregnant? You’ve got to believe me.

Joseph
I would have dropped you in a minute but I had that dream. I had that dream several nights in a row. The dream haunted me. Chased after me. Repeated itself again and again. The dream was always the same; it was telling me “God is the child’s father.” The child is the Son of God. It is all so strange. I don’t know. 

Mary 
So you stayed with me because of a dream?

Hilda
(Whispering loudly) Now, I have heard everything, Hjalmer. Talk about not accepting responsibility for your own mistakes. That lady takes the cake. 

Hjalmer 
Can you believe your ears, Hilda? My ears are steaming hot. Dreams, he says? Fantasies, I say. That man has a fantasy life like no other.

Hilda
Wait until I tell the girls at the Burien Beauty Shop this story. This story beats them all.

Hjalmer 
(Hilda and Hjalmer stand up, as if to get off the bus.) If I got a girl in trouble, I would fess up and face the facts. 

Hilda
Hjalmer, let me ask you something. Did you ever get a girl in trouble?

Hjalmer 
Hilda!!! (The two get off the bus and pretend to get a newspaper.)

Mary 
Here’s Seattle. It’s time to waddle off this bus. I feel so pregnant. (Mary and Joseph stand up, as getting off the bus.)

Joseph
Easy now as you step down from the bus. Your balance isn’t what it used to be. We need a place to stay here. I will ask these people. … Sir, we are looking for an inexpensive room to rent. Do you know of one?”

Hilda
Well, I will tell you about one. It’s pretty cheap. Your kind of people might be happy at that hotel down the street, THE HUMBLE HOTEL.

Hjalmer 
It is just a block away. I don’t think you will have trouble finding it. 

Joseph
Thank you. 

(Everyone exits. Mary and Joseph slowly meander towards the setting of the front door of THE HUMLE HOTEL. Hilda and Hjalmer efficiently take off outer coats, have their bathrobes on under their coats and put on night hats and grumpy faces and become Harold and Hannah Humble, the landlords of THE HUMBLE HOTEL. Harold is sitting on a chair with a television remote control, watching the news on an imaginary television set. Meanwhile, to fill the transitional time as Harold and Hannah change, Mary and Joseph wander through the imaginary streets. The two are looking for THE HUMBLE HOTEL, with Mary grimacing and groaning as she has another contraction and then another.)


SCENE TWO: THE ENTRY DOOR OF THE HUMBLE HOTEL

(Setting: The scene is a simple door frame with a sign above it, saying, THE HUMBLE HOTEL. The tone of the owners, Harold and Hannah Humble, is sharp and grouchy. Harold is seated on a chair, with a remote control in hand, clicking and watching television.)

Joseph
He said it wasn’t far, only a block or so. (pause between lines.)

Mary 
Ohhhh. Ahhhh. Joseph, I am having another contraction. 

Joseph
He said it wasn’t far.

Mary 
I don’t see anything that looks like a hotel. 

Joseph
I think we have found it, Mary. Can you read the sign above the door?

Mary 
It says, The Humble Hotel. We’ve found the right place. Hurry. Another contraction. That one was sharp.

Joseph
Hang on. First, we need to get a room. I’ll knock. 
(Knocks a long time) 
I don’t know why nobody is answering. It is not that late.

Mary 
It’s almost ten o’clock. That’s late for a lot of people.

(The imaginary door opens)

Harold
Whatcha want? Don’t cha know the time of night? I’m watchin’ the news on TV.

Joseph
I know it is late but we are looking for a room. A cheap room.

Harold
Hannah? (shouting) Hannah? Got any cheap rooms left for the night?

Hannah
(Hannah appears) Nope. Nothing left. Rooms are all rented. It’s late, past ten o’clock.

Harold
No rooms left. You gotta go someplace else.

Mary 
Another contraction. Oooh, that was a big one.

Joseph
Hang on there Mary.

Hannah
(Having come to the door) What’s going on here, for pete’s sake? 

Mary 
My contractions are getting really painful and close together.

Joseph
I think she could have a baby on the spot.

Harold
Not on my front steps. Nosiree. No baby will be born on my front steps. 

Hannah
Well now, we can’t have a baby being born on our front steps. Harold doesn’t approve of having babies born on the porch. So come in to the living room. (Mary and Joseph don’t come in.)

Harold
What??? This is ridiculous. In our living room? No baby will be born in our living room!!!

Hannah
We got the basement available. No one is staying there, except the washing machine, a drier and an old single bed. 

Harold
That is where the dogs and cat sleep. That’s their bed. All the animals are down in the basement. The hamster and the parakeet. 

Hannah
And where else would you suggest they stay, Harold?

Harold
Well … well … why is their problem becoming our problem? 

Hannah
We can’t leave that poor girl alone. You just come right in, honey. We only have the basement left. Come in.

Mary 
We would love the basement. (Mary and Joseph enter the door to THE HUMBLE HOTEL)

Joseph
Yes, the basement would be just fine, even with the animals. We love pets. Dogs, cats, parakeets. We love them all.

Harold
I can’t believe you Hannah. This is ridiculous. Giving them the dog’s bed. 

Mary 
Please, I am having another contraction and this one is really sharp. (Pleading)

Joseph
Please, can we go downstairs?

Hannah
Come in. I’ll call my friend Jesse. She lives right next door. She is a midwife.

Harold
Hannah, you are getting too involved. Leave ‘em alone, I say.

Hannah
We can’t leave this poor girl alone. I’ll simply call Jesse and she will come right over and help. It’s a miracle that she lives right next door. She is a good midwife and will come right over pronto. 

Harold
Hannah, you make me so steamin’ mad sometimes.

Hannah
Yah, and get used to it. Won’t be the first time and won’t be the last time. 


SCENE THREE: THE BASEMENT IN THE HUMBLE HOTEL

(Setting: The scene is a simple single cot, with large stuffed animals on and around it, representing dogs, cats, gerbils, and any other household pet. Mary sits on that cot with her back to the audience and takes out her simulation of a pregnancy. Mary then is in a rocking chair, facing the audience, with a “play doll” as a newly born baby. Joseph is standing nearby. Mary and Joseph make small talk about the smooth delivery, the midwife living miraculously close by, the baby, so cute, all the fingers and toes are there. Mary and Joseph fill the transitional time with small talk in undertones. Meanwhile, Harold and Hannah Humble have removed their bathrobes and night-caps and are now wearing plaid shirts (which had been beneath the bathrobes) and they put on two old baseball caps. They change their clothes near the clothes tree. They have a look of poverty to them. They become Hank and Helen, two overly friendly homeless neighbors who are also staying in The Humble Hotel. They are smiling and possess an exaggerated friendliness and exuberant spirits. … Hank and Helen “freeze down” in front of the sign of THE HUMBLE HOTEL, with their backs to the audience, waiting for the conversation between Mary and Joseph to be over.)

Mary 
(Holding baby, sitting in a rocker looking at the baby.) You know, this place isn’t so bad. 

Joseph
At least it’s dry and warm. 

Mary 
It does kind of stink though. 

Joseph 
Has a dog smell to it. 

Mary 
What a beautiful baby!

Joseph
A wonder. A miracle baby. Look at his little fingers.

Mary 
The midwife was good last night.

Joseph 
I offered to pay her and she mumbled something about how we had already given her a gift. Hmmm.

Mary 
What shall we name him, Joseph? What shall we call him?

Joseph
How about Joseph after me? Joe, Jr.

Mary 
Or Marin after me? 

Joseph 
How about Mannie, short for Manuel.

Mary 
Mannie? Where did that name come from?

Joseph
I just know that Manuel means “God is with us,” and God certainly was with us last night.

(Helen and Hank now unfreeze in front of THE HUMBLE HOTEL. Knock on the door and come in.) 

Hank 
Come on Helen. Let’s check this place out. … Hi there. We’re Hank and Helen from the room right above yours. We heard your baby being born last night. 

Helen 
We were just outside getting a breath of fresh air. 

Hank
Yah, we were outside. We heard that you are homeless and down on your luck and that is why you are staying here at The Homeless Hotel. That’s why we are staying here too. 

Helen 
What a pretty baby you have. 

Joseph
Hi. My name is Joseph. This is Mary.

Mary 
And this is our new miracle baby. 

Hank
Such a perfect little creature. Kutchy. Kutchy. Coo. 

Helen 
Ohhh. Look at his little toes. Ohhh. And his little fingers. And what beautiful brown eyes.

Hank
What good news. What great news for you. 

Helen 
Good news for the whole world. Who knows, this child could actually save this world from the mess we are all in…..none of us having our own homes, and all. 

Hank
Why, this kid could grow up and be a doctor.

Helen 
Why yes. Or maybe a nurse.

Hank
Or a judge.

Helen 
Or a senator.

Hank
Or a president. (crescendo to this line) 

Helen 
Why, this baby could grow up and become the savior of the whole wide world. (softer)

Hank
Wouldn’t that be a miracle? We need a miracle.

Helen 
That would be a miracle, all right. (soft clear voice. They both focus on the baby.)

Mary 
That is amazing. A miracle. When I became pregnant, I was told by an angel that this miracle child would do just that. … save the world and help people like us. 

Joseph
And so was I. I was told by an angel that this baby would grow up and save the whole wide world. 

Hank
Well, isn’t that funny. Listen to this. (Pause) Earlier this morning, we were standing outside, getting some fresh air.

Helen 
And there was this poor bag lady.

Hank
Kind of like us

Helen 
With her grocery cart, with all her belongings in that grocery cart, standing by the curb.

Hank
With some people she knew. Maybe friends of hers, I guess.

Helen 
These old women were talking away, chit-chattering away, and pointing to the hotel.

Hank
And the bag lady told us that a new baby boy had been born in the basement of The Humble Hotel.

Helen 
She knew. She knew about a miracle baby being born to save the world…just like you said, Mary.

Hank 
We thought the bag lady was crazy.

Helen 
But something made us believe.

Hank
So we came back in to see for ourselves …

Helen 
This miracle... 

Hank
This miracle baby. (pauses and looks at the baby and family)

Helen 
Well, you folks are looking tired. You have been through a lot. We gotta go back up to our room. 

Hank
Congratulations. God bless yah. 

Joseph
Thanks for coming. 


SCENE FOUR: OUTSIDE THE HUMBLE HOTEL

(Setting: Hank and Helen, homeless people, become Harrison and Haley, bankers from Bellevue. The two homeless people take off their plaid shirts and baseball caps and put on black suit coats and dignified black hats which have been hanging on a clothes tree. They are dressed like two of the sharpest investment bankers in town. They have an aire of sophistication to them. They are pompously talking as they stroll into the scene. Meanwhile, Mary and Joseph quietly chat in the background. They are surprised that so many people already know about this miracle baby. Mary begins humming the tune, “Rock a by baby” until Harrison and Haley are ready for this scene. Her humming fills the silence of transition.)

Mary 
Joseph, I can’t believe that so many people know about this miracle baby.

Joseph
It’s amazing.

Mary 
(Hums “Rock a bye baby” while the couple changes costumes and characters. Mary keeps humming until Harrison and Haley are ready.)

Harrison 
It is a pleasure to work with you today, Haley.

Haley 
And it is an honor for me to work with you, Harrison. 

Harrison 
You are now the number one banker in Bellevue, so shrewd, so wise, so clever in your business connections. 

Haley 
Harrison, you always flatter me and… it works.

Harrison
We’re two bankers from Bellevue, east of Seattle, where all the money is.

Haley 
Money is usually found in the east. The Far East in Hong Kong. The east coast of the United States. And, of course, the eastside of Seattle…Bellevue. 

Harrison
So, what’s the plan here? 

Haley 
We both got that strange email via the Internet on our office computers early this morning. Here’s a copy of the email in my purse. (Whips out a sheet of paper.) It was very specific about its instructions. Please read it for me, Harrison.

Harrison
To Haley/Harrison at the Bellevue Bank Dot Com. From: No address. “Go and see the miracle child, a baby boy, was born last night in the Humble Hotel in downtown Seattle.” 

Haley 
Hmmm. 

Harrison
I don’t know how we got this email or why it was sent to us at the bank. 

Haley 
Strange. No one else in the office received this email. But the email is clear and specific: Go to the Humble Hotel in downtown Seattle to see this miracle baby. 

Harrison
Look. This must be the place. The sign says, THE HUMBLE HOTEL

Haley 
I’ll knock. 

Harrison
No one answers. I think we should just walk in.

Haley 
Hello there. Hello there. Anyone here? (Calling out with a loud voice). Anyone here? 

Joseph
We are. (Shouting back.)

Harrison
Where are you?

Joseph 
Down in the basement. (Still shouting)

Haley 
We’ll find you.

Joseph
We’re in here.

Harrison
(Finally coming into the bedroom downstairs.) What do we have here?

Joseph
A new mother and a new baby.

Mary 
See, he is our miracle baby, living proof that God is with us. Is with you. 

Joseph
It is a wild story, so wild you may believe it … or you may not believe. 

Haley 
I’ll be.

Harrison
It is true. A baby boy here in The Humble Hotel. Just like the email said. What a co-incidence. Or what a miracle. Strange.

Mary 
Not just any baby born. This baby is born to save the world from the mess we are all in. All of us.

Joseph
This is a miracle child, born so all of us will be set free, set free from… (gets cut off)

Haley 
This room is really quite terrible. You people look so poor. This room. The bed. The smells. The animals. (aside) Phew. 

Harrison
Can we do something for you parents?

Haley 
(an aside to herself and the other people freeze into a tableau) Why? Why do I feel compelled to help? What is going on inside of me? What is happening to me? … (To Mary and Joseph who break this frozen tableau) You two look so poor. Here, take my gold watch. You look like you need some money. Sell it for some cash. 

Harrison
(aside to himself and the other people freeze into a tableau) Why am I feeling this way? Wanting to share. I have never given anything away free to anyone in my whole life. My onyx ring with the diamond star cluster in the center. (To Mary and Joseph who break the freeze) Here is my black, onyx ring, with several diamonds. It is worth plenty. Sell it and get some cash.

Joseph
Thank you. This child will set us free. This child will set you free (pointing to Harrison) and you free (pointing to Haley) and all of us free (pointing themselves and people in the audience.) This miracle baby will free us from selfishness…and free us to love. 

Mary 
Thank you for your gifts to us. We need your help. We really do.

Joseph
More than you realize.

Haley 
Harrison, we need to get back to the bank in Bellevue.

Harrison
Yes. Of course. (Touching the baby) Such a nice little baby boy. 

Haley 
God bless you and your miracle baby. Thank you for your gift to us.

Harrison
Thank you. It has been all so … unusual. Good bye. (Both exit the room and stand front and center, right beneath the door that says THE HUMBLE HOTEL.)

Haley 
Something has overcome me, Harrison. I feel so good. I feel so good about sharing. I even feel better about me. That miracle baby did something to me. Something has changed in me. 

Harrison
I feel different too. I have never given anything way in my whole life … for free. Never. The presence of that little child changed me. I feel lighter, happier, better. 

Haley 
Look what a beautiful day it is today.

Harrison
This looks like a grand day. The air (taking in a deep breath) is so cool and crisp. (exit)

(Momentary pause. Mary and Joseph gaze into the eyes of the baby.)

Joseph
Mary, let’s take a walk with our new baby.

Mary 
Yes, I would like to go outside and get a breath of fresh air. (Mary and Joseph also exit and stand front and center, right beneath the door that says THE HUMBLE HOTEL.)

Joseph
What a strange and wonderful day. … What shall we name the child? Before we go for a walk, we need to know the name of our new baby.

Mary 
Manuel. Yes, that is his name. God … is … with us. God has been with us in this messed up life of ours.

Joseph
I think we should also call him … Jesus. 

Mary 
Jesus? I like that name. That name is unique. Not many kids have the name of Jesus anymore.

Joseph
Yes, let’s also name him Jesus. Jesus means savior and God has certainly saved us.

Mary 
Hmmm. I like sound of that name. Jesus … Manuel. It’s a good name. We’ll call him … Jesus. Jesus, who saves the world. 

Joseph
Looking out at the congregation). The whole, wide world. 

APPLAUSE

(Harrison and Haley join Mary and Joseph and receive applause. The four of them exit down the center aisle of the church.)

(A soloist appears front and center, outside the door to THE HUMBLE HOTEL and sings “Sweet Little Jesus Boy” with no accompaniment.) 

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